I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
