when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
