420 ftw
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
