This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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