Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
When are your genitals available?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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