turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
