She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
