I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
