I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
