I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
