My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
