I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
