She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
