so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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