I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
