Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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