I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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