LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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