I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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