You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
