Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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