dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
