I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
