Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Randomize
