Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
