i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize