So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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