You don't have asthma, your pregnant
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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