In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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