She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize