i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
