You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
