She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
