i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
