I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
