there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
