We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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