if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
