and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
