I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
