Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
