best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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