I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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