So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
