she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
