the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize