she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize