we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
