I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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