is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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