I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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