definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize