Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
