And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize