Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
