Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
