Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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