about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
