I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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