literally had 100 drinks last night.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
