just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
