I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
