there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
