she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
